Tuesday, July 29, 2003

2 hours of ao chinese really sucks....should be banned....now is lunch...and i'm in the library slacking again.....weiwei nxt to me doing her chinese compo.....haiz.....i think this whole week is going to be a tough week.....3 tests.....one chem test later......have to hand in assignments for all subjects.....1 econs essay by thursday......i am so dead le......there is only one thing against me....that is time.....so many things to settle....yet so little time.......at least...now can slack for my ccas le.....for now.....haiz.....if i manage to live through this week....i am so going to enjoy the weekend......so jia you to those that are also mugging now.......

I guess i am still in a depression mood.......especially when i;m taking a break from what i am doing.....there's this phrase from a song called say goodbye " and when you need my arms to run into.....i'll run for you......nothing will ever change the way i feel....." ....suddenly, i miss my sec school friends like alan, peiying and azhari a lot......maybe we should meet up soon...i hope we do.

Can you feel the love tonight?

There's a calm surrender
To the rush of day,
When the heat of a rolling wind
Can be turned away

An enchanted moment,
And it sees me through
It's enough for this restless warrior
Just to be with you

And can you feel the love tonight?
It is where we are
It's enough for this wide-eyed wanderer
That we got this far

And can you feel the love tonight (tonight)
How it's laid to rest?
It's enough to make kings and vagabonds
Believe the very best

There's a time for everyone,
If they only learn
That the twisting kaleidoscope
Moves us all in turn

There's a rhyme and reason
To the wild outdoors
When the heart of this star-crossed voyager
Beats in time with yours (Yeah, yeah, yeaah-)

And can you feel the love tonight (Can you feel the love?)
It is where we are
It's enough for this wide-eyed wanderer
That we got this far

And can you feel the love tonight (Can you feel the love)
How it's laid to rest? (Oooooh)
It's enough (Its enough)
To make kings and vagabonds
Believe the very best
Oh its enough (Its enough)
To make kings and vagabonds
Believe the very best...

it's rather late now.....everything is so quiet now.....i have the sudden urge not to sleep yet.....11 am to 6.30 pm....hours of project work....hours of faking surveys.......sigh.....a long day.......dreading project work....but turned out to be quite okay....a fruitful dalar.....went to woodlands, yishun, tampiness and ang mo kio.......it was tiring.....and kept me busy....stopped me thinking of a lot of things.......but one the bus to tampiness....can't help feeling depressed....but the feeling left as soon as it came......den didn't really go back to think about it.........i guess maybe throwing myself into homework and project work might make me feel a little better........coz tomorrow have to submit that stupid pw file.....but lucky we have improved it tremendously........
i asked someone " do miracles happen? The person replys " of course they do.....if not, there won't be the existance of that 5%. And I smiled.

woke up today feeling empty and sad......can't control the way i feel.......can anyone please stop how i feel?

8:29 AM

Saturday, July 26, 2003

Today woke up damn early....for that stupid stacey tan lesson lor.....sianz.....yesterday concert was very fun lar......but got a few parts me cannot make it........i shall not go into detail about the embarrassing scenes lar......sigh......life really sucks lar......things always don't go the way you want it to....people always say things they don't mean........and then regret them.....that's what happened today.......but i passed the surprise to you le.....hope you like it and all the effort i put into it....3 hrs of sleep only.....sigh......went out with wenjie later......den she really consoled me.....thanx arh.......must treat her to sumthing to eat soon....... i have a stack of tutorials to pia finish by monday.....i am so dead le.....must slp late and become panda le lor.......sian.....do miracles happen in this world?.........will one happen soon?.........if the odds are 5% to 95%.......will it come true?........if i really wish hard enough.....can anything be changeD?.....i supposed that's something i have to find out myself......dun want to let go.

10:18 PM

Your Heart is Orange


What Color is Your Heart?
brought to you by Quizilla

12:00 PM

Friday, July 25, 2003

well.....the whole world is at school now....i'm still at home....having a headache now due to the lack of sleep last night....i was busy making sumthing....shall not mentioned it here.....as it is supposed to be a surprise....today is nj co concert le.....so glad all will be over soon....den i can pon a few times and slack a bit lar.....hahaz....anyway, i reached home at 10.30 again last night.....really too tired to do anything....i think later tonight have to pia econs after concert le.....sianz.....econs sucks.....8 more pages of tutorial to complete....must reminf minghong they all to help me call the maid agencies later.....coz could not get through them.....i have like 101 things to do today.....i will be lucky if i manage to survive today.....without any accidents.....sigh....i gotto go get ready to go back to nj le lar.....so damn tired now.......spent like a few hours just to do the surprise for my friend.....sian.zzzzzzzI miss you....

11:00 AM

Wednesday, July 23, 2003

today u reached home at 10.30 pm....i am so dead with one physics tutorial to do later and a maths tutorial to complete....life sucks lor....at least for this whole week.....den next mon have to submit project file le.....and there goes my weekend....haiz......sunday gone for doing project le lor.......i think this week is the hardest to pass.....fri is the co concert....we have had practice for almost everyday for 2 weeks le......though i poned monday's practice lar.....hahaz.....den next week onwards i can pon a few more days to do my work le.....after concert........today practice was not too bad....except for the fact that me and weibin made a million mistakes lor......den concert is like 2 days away only....well.....but i stoned pretty much today lar.......expecially during project work meeting.....sigh......but then the good news is.....i have decided to do something to cheer you up.......shall not say anything yet.....in case of failure......but think it will be ready by this weekend.Just when i almost lost hope.....a caring word from you turned me around

11:12 PM

Tuesday, July 22, 2003

You represent... kindness.
You're a very gentle, kind, and caring individual.
You truely care about people and are generally
well-liked. Though sometimes you may be
perceived as weak, you truely have a strong
heart and a good desire to help others.


What feeling do you represent?
brought to you by Quizilla

12:58 PM

haiz....i'm at the nj library now stoning cause i have no where else to go.....i think that the situation shld be quite bad when i resort to going to the library to update my blog....well, i think this whole week is going to be extremely difficult to live through.....we will be preparing for the co concert on friday.....so guess i will be going home late this 3 days.......and i have loads of tutorials to catch up on.....i think that it's time i stop slacking and settle down to do a bit of revision le lar..........haiz.......i'll be lucky if i survive this week.......at least i think so. Today me will be reaching home at about 9 plus again....due to that stupid co rehearsal......haiz.......den have a lot of tutorials to hand up by tomorrow.......but i'm rather happy now.......coz i passed my econs.....can anyone believe it?.......however......i got an E though i passed......49 marks......hahaz.....1 more mark to D lar.....i think that i will be extremely happy if i get this kind of grades this promos......at least, i will get to keep my 4 As......hahaz....lame sia......i guess i am not going to think about complicated things now....really don;t have the energy to focus on these things......at least not now......there's really nothing more i can do le lar.......i already sorted out how i feel.....and now......i;m just waiting for you.

12:47 PM

Monday, July 21, 2003

today we had a half day....due to our hardwork for funtasia.....hahaz....den was quite happy lar......anyway, went to celebrate irene's bday....and felt really good to see all of them again.......even though most of us are extremely busy wif our own things now.....all of us took the time off to celebrate her birthday......so, we talked and laughed around quite a lot i guess.....i've been thinking a lot.....why do people have so many degrees of feelings.....it's a bit incredible though. I have realised that it hurts a lot when one is feeling sad and depressed.....but it hurts even more to see another person who you care a lot feel sad and depressed.....and you don;t know what to say to that person..........the point where a person feels all the different types of feelings together......is a feeling of numbness......an indescribable feeling......which cannot be put into words.
I refuse to let go.....and I'm still holding on........

9:25 PM

Saturday, July 19, 2003

can't you see that everything is not all right.........can't you just give me a bit of attention to talk to me...........can't you sense that i am trying my best......that i am so tired.........i see people walk pass me every moment.......i see them laughing and looking so happy..........then i will ask myself......am i happy?......and i realised.......i don't know what I want, where to go, what to do......i feel sad......very sad........i am not okay.

11:23 PM

Friday, July 18, 2003

i will not ask for an answer anymore.....i will wait until you are ready to give me an answer.....i'm sure the wait will be worthwhile......

10:29 PM

Thursday, July 17, 2003

i am so tired now....juz returned home after co syf finals.....well, we didn't get top....hwa chong won....but never mind lar....expected le but still a bit dissappointed.........at least i think all of us tried our best le lar......i saw a lot of people that i know today.....debbie....weiji and some sec school friends lar.....first time go syf...but a nerve wrecking experience lar....hahaz......i was stonin in gp lesson and talking to benny and taffy....den the teacher like very bu shuang us but i have no energy to bother about her lar....haahz.....but today was fun lar.....even though we didn't win........hmmm, i guess the whole co knows about me le.....feel like an animal in the zoo le.....at first, i was rather angry about something......but den when we sorted things out......wasn't angry but felt guilty instead.......how could i have been so selfish as to only think about myself......haiz......but den i put in my effort to rectify matters lar.....did something so drastic at SCH today......i can still feel the nervousness i had juz now........and the feeling of doing that drastic thing is still in my memory...it keeps replaying in my head even though i try not to think about it..........it is a feeling i never had before.

11:19 PM

Wednesday, July 16, 2003

haiz....that minghong in my project group.....cannot make it le.....i really dunno whther want to kill or laugh at him......i see him i think i will auto get headache whenever i see him....dunno if this is a good or bad sign....i shall not talk about him here now......waste my time only.....sian.....today went to buy the paint for the funtasia banner.....haiz....den like everybody depression today.....mingyong and weibin.....a bit pissed at weibin today for a while....shall not mention the reason here....but tomolo is syf finald.....hope everyone will cheer up......den i'm still waiting for you to be in a good mood....to tell me what i asked you.......how long will that take?

10:14 PM

Tuesday, July 15, 2003

sad.....depressed.......disappointed........guess i dun mean anything to you at all..........i dun want to talk to you.......do you even feel the same way......or am i juz making a fool of myself in front of you.......i hate myself for believing that you will at least put in an effort for today......but when it didn't happen.........i just feel numbed now........

9:38 PM

haiz....i juz finish my last lecture at school today....sigh....later going to SCH to co syf lar....go there be extra but can pon lessons....i dun really mind.....i think i';m going to fail project work sooner or later....now our file like only got a bit info.....deperately finding more lar....hahaz....15 july today......1 month has passed.......

10:57 AM

Sunday, July 13, 2003

juz heard this song on radio.....i tink it is rather nice and meaningful....i think the lyrics applies to a lot of people around me lar......but den....the words of this song is meaningful but sad lar....haiz....today went out with mingyong to buy stuff for the funtasia stuff.....den went to national library to do project work.....i shall not talk about how minghong almost DESTROYED the microfilm......he so lame until i dunno want to laugh or to cry lot.....haiz......why do i know people like minghong lar.....i have no idea....dunno whether i did anything wrong in my past life lar....haha.....juz jokin lar....he's not bad when he don't talk lar...once he starts.....cannot make it le......haiz......so sian today lar...never go out and shopping....no time anyway.....i guess tuesday will be likea normal day lar....haiz....gave the thing that wanted to be passed to cora...hopes she remembers it.

Say goodbye- S club
In the years to come
Will you think about these moments that we shared
In the years to come
Are you gonna think it over
And how we lived each day with no regrets

Nothing lasts forever though we want it to
The road ahead holds different dreams for me and you

Sometimes goodbye though it hurts
In your heart is the only way for this to be
Sometimes goodbye though it hurts
Is the only way now for you and me
Though it's the hardest thing to say
I miss your love in every way
So say goodbye
But don't you cry
'Cause true love never dies

In a year from now
Maybe there'll be things we wished we never said
In a year from now
Maybe we'll see each other
Standing on the same street corner
No regrets
Each and every end is always written in the stars
If only i could stop the world i'd make this last

Sometimes goodbye though it hurts
In your heart is the only way for this to be
Sometimes goodbye though it hurts
Is the only way now for you and me
Though it's the hardest thing to say
I miss your love in every way
So say goodbye
But don't you cry
'Cause true love never dies

And when you need my arms to run into
I'll run for you
Nothing will ever change the way i feel

Sometimes goodbye though it hurts
In your heart is the only way for this to be
Sometimes goodbye though it hurts
Is the only way now for you and me
Though it's the hardest thing to say
I'll miss your love every day
So say goodbye
But don't you cry
Because a true love never dies

10:51 PM

Saturday, July 12, 2003

i reached home at 8 today....and today is a saturday....cannot believe it....damn tired now....juz now got co.....den morning got listening compre....haiz....i tink going cannot make it for AO le lor....sigh....den went to KAP mac to eat with weibin they all...damn funny lor......hahaz....tok crap about cath high ppl.....all cannot make it....retards and losers....hahaz......sigh....irene bday coming le lar.....haven't go buy her present....die le lor....still thinkin of what to buy for her......sian.....haiya, ming yong was telling me today that girls should have ' jing chi' hahaz....den we laughing all the way during co lor....about this thing....sigh.......i want to go out but there;s no where, no one and no time....gotta pia my 3 page essay le......

10:07 PM

Friday, July 11, 2003

haiz......chemistry got an E.....cannot believe it le lar.....sad case.....went into depression for 2 hrs during lecture......stoned there.......got study dunno why like that lar.....haiz.....guess have to work harder next time le lar....but i'm okay now le lar....haahz....juz now went back to anderson for speech day......a lot of things changed....but sumthings never changed.....like zhiheng act macho......xingni enthusiasm....michelle boy craziness.....xiuli's 'san ba' ness....hahaz....damn fun today lar....the food was not bad lar.....haiz....den got a prize lar......trophy plus book voucher....can go buy harry potter le lar....so very happy now lar.....wanted to read the latest book for a long time le.....but no time lar.....sigh.....monday will be the day i get back maths....i am so dead coz only 10 ppl passed lor.....the keyword is 'passed'.....nothing else lor....win le lar.....i dun forsee a good weekend ahead......no where interesting to go......haiz......so much things to do....still have stupid pw to settle....i can go commit suicide le lar.....sigh.......wondering if anything will happen this weekend.....or next tues....haiz......shall not think or expect too much.....

11:10 PM

Thursday, July 10, 2003

hmm....today went to j8 to buy some stationary lar.........today was quite a slack day.....dismissed at 2....but slacked in the student lounge.....wanted to do project....but after like 1 hr, me start sleeping le.....so tired lor.....did a bit of stuff only but really slept like a log for 45 mins lor......incredible....needless to say, project is still cannot make it.....sigh.....nxt week muz pass up project file le.....dunno how i am going to die.......haiz.....but bought what i wanted today, except for this idiotic maths tys book....which is missing and cannot be found....haiz.......den went for dinner together lar.....hahaz.....quite fun lar.....glad that everything is settled le lor......it feels right now le lar.....hahaz....den went home together.......haiz......juz now was reading through my lecture notes lor......sigh....muz buck up le lar.......i think me slacked for really a few days...so better jia you le....i think tomolo i will have to have a heart attack....getting back a few papers lor.....die le.....
my only hope is in maths lor....sigh......i hope i get at least a B in maths lar....but have to leave it to fate now le lar...no choice...haiz.....jia you lar.....i think i'm liking my claz 03s13 more le lar....i mean, i think mingyong, weiwei, weibijn, leonard and etc are really nice ppl lar.......maybe our claz wun be like 1803.....i wun be that great friends with them like cora and irene....but den i think we will get along juz fine crapping all day....especially that stupid weibin.....

10:15 PM

Wednesday, July 09, 2003

haiz......reached home damn late today....went out with mingyong they all to prince to eat lar.....quite nice lar.....den that weibin crappin all the way.....i dunno to cry or to laugh......damn crappy lar.....i'm so looking forward to friday lar.....can see all my friends again le.....promise to keep in contact with them again....happy bday to yu chun today....juz went to her house to pass her bday present.....hope she will like it.....it's a very nice chinese book.....hahaz...think i mention it before le lar....hahaz....receive my phone bill le.....not too bad lar....din get scolding this time le lar.....hahaz.....i'm in a damn good mood today....after what happened yesterday.........after we talked things through le lar.......i tink things will change for the better le lar.....can feel that it is getting better le.....i really hope so lar....hahaz....anyway, received physics marks today....got like a B for it....shall nt expect too much as i was aiming for a C only lar....hahaz....hope my maths can get an A lar....coz really tried my best in it lor....shall write it here tomorrow le lar.......sigh.

11:04 PM

Tuesday, July 08, 2003

One more try by A1

Could be your eyes
Could be your smile
Could be the way you freed my mind
You precious touch caressed my soul
You gave me everything I need
And now I'm lost
Lost forever

Lost forever
And you said this is going nowhere, girl
And you said I turned my back on
You said I'm not the only one for you

Please give it one more try for the sake of our love
Let's give it one more chance coz I can't give you up
I can't live one more day without you in my arms
I could never find another, like you

Could be the lies
Could be my pride
Could be the days and nights so wild
Could be the times I wasn't there
And all the nights we didn't share
And now you're lost
Lost forever

Lost forever
And you said this is going nowhere
And you said I turned my back on
You said I'm not the only one for you

Please give it one more try for the sake of our love
Let's give it one more chance coz I can't give you up
I can't live one more day without you in my arms
I could never find another, like you

I can't sleep, I can't live without you by my side
So cold(so cold)
So lost without you as my guide
You made me realise I'm nothing
Nothing without you

Please give it one more try for the sake of our love
Let's give it one more chance coz I can't give you up
I can't live one more day without you in my arms
I could never find another, like you

Baby give me one more try

8:24 PM

Monday, July 07, 2003

heyz....i'm back to update this blog le.....sigh....so many things have happened in this 2 days......all within my expectations....anyway, today went for co.....quite fun lar....learning another new instrument mah.....damn hard to adapt lar....anyway, wish me all the best lar....i want to thank wenjie for these 2 days lar.....she was really there for me lot....when i really needed her......really a good friend lor.....i'm glad that we've known each other for 4.5 yrs le lor.......our friendship really is beyond words lor.....anyway, met up with her today to go orchard to buy yuchun birthday gift lar...bought her a book lar....think she will like it as i really like the book very much too......haiz....her birthday is on wed lar.....i think have to buy irene's bday gift too lar......her bday cumin soon also le lor.....sighz....i'm going to be so damn broke....hahaz.....but never mind lar........haiz....maybe i should talk about what happened this 2 days....been on an emotional rollercoaster......lucky had wenjie with me one the ride lar.....i thought a lot about a lot of things these 2 days....realised that i have somthing i need to do....but yet haven do yet.......tomorrow shall be the last chance i will get to do it le......i am really troubled by this whole mess.....stoning every minute.....thinking of what to say.....how to act....what to do.....i hope that what i want will happen tomorrow........i really hope lor......dun want history to repeat to itself.....i think still have a chance....at least that's what i think.........

10:57 PM

Sunday, July 06, 2003

I don't wanna miss a thing by aerosmith

I could stay awake just to hear you breathing,
Watch you smile while you are sleeping,
While you're far away and dreaming,
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender,
I could stay lost in this moment forever,
When every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure,

Chorus:

Don't wanna close my eyes,
I don't wanna fall asleep,
Cause I'd miss you babe,
And I don't wanna miss a thing,
Cause even when I dream of you,
The sweetest dream would never do,
I'd still miss you baby,
And I don't wanna miss a thing.

Lying close to you,
feeling your heart beating,
And I'm wondering what you're dreaming,
Wondering if it's me you're seeing,
Then I kiss your eyes,
And thank God we're together,
I just wanna stay with you in this moment forever,
Forever and ever.

Chorus:

Don't wanna close my eyes,
I don't wanna fall asleep,
Cause I'd miss you babe,
And I don't wanna miss a thing,
Cause even when I dream of you,
The sweetest dream would never do,
I'd still miss you baby,
And I don't wanna miss a thing.

I don't wanna miss one smile,
I don't wanna miss one kiss,
I just wanna be with you,
Right here with you, just like this.

I just wanna hold you close,
And feel your heart so close to mine,
And just stay here in this moment,
For all the rest of time (Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah YEAH!!)

Chorus:

Don't wanna close my eyes,
I don't wanna fall asleep,
Cause I'd miss you babe,
And I don't wanna miss a thing,
Cause even when I dream of you,
The sweetest dream would never do,
I'd still miss you baby,
And I don't wanna miss a thing.

7:09 PM

how many words are there to replace the word depression.......i think it will be really interesting to find out......coz i think me really sinking into depression.....that's really weird coz common tests are juz over.......what the hell is happening......why do i feel as if history is still repeating itself.........it's lame and stupid lor. Ok, me slacked the whole day yesterday.....knew there was a ton of tutorials to do.....but hack care le.....must enjoy myself after mugging for 2 whole weeks......throughout the 2 weeks, i kept counting down to the end of the common tests.....coz i knew at the end, i will get the answer that i want, at the end......i can go out and enjoy myself and at the end, i can see you. But guess what......i'm hating myself so much for expecting so much.....coz it's not happening now.......it;s not going to happen for a long time.......and i already knew it in the first place. That's why i hate myse;f for believing in that tiny ray of hope that you gave me.....but i guess i was so damn wrong lar. I sound so philosophical.....but then, i realised that everyone needs friends....needs people to care about them....to be there when they are so down.........and i'm glad i have friends like that.....really lucky lor. Actually, i'm not a person who expects a lot one from you.......i don't need gifts.....i don't need a lot of attention.....i don't need you to give up your studies for me........i don;t need to go out everyday........i just need to be happy......is that so difficult?

8:40 AM

Friday, July 04, 2003

yesh....i was in a damn good mood yesterday....but den com got some problems....so could not update this blog.......so i juz start on yesterday first......03S13 finally went for a claz outing le lor....to taka after that stupid physics paper which i shall not go into detail lar......hahaz....but den later i met wenjie, esther, hilda, xingni and jiawen to watch charlie's angels.....damn nice and funny lor.....i really had a fun time with them yesterday talking crap with them lar......really miss them lor....sec 4 life was much simpler lar......anyway, den went to kfc with wenjie to tok about life lar.....den really realised that even if we are in dif school le......she's still my really good friend lor........no matter what, she will be there for me on.......a friend like that is hard to get. yup, den went out for project work today........after that, went to walk near suntec there with jeremy they all lar.......weiji seemed damn tired lor......coz his f maths only finish today mah.....haahz......think he will do very well for the common tests lor......sigh.......jia you lar........den we went to eat pizza lar......quite fun and went to library at esplanade........so class lar.......hahaz......me feel so out of place dere........sigh........but then today i felt a little funny lar.......i dunno why.......but it was quite a damn fun day.......i am still waiting for an answer.

11:25 PM

Wednesday, July 02, 2003

hahaz....1 more paper....i;'m so happy now le...maths was not as difficult as i expected....hoping to pass le lar.....damn looking forward to going out with wenjie they all tomolo......anyway, i was shocked at myse;f for not studying ao....den juz went in and took the test....even though tomolo is physics.....i'm not too worried lar hahaz.....hope that cora they all are also having an easier time than me....hate the feeling of sitting 3 hrs plus in a cold LT.........luckily i brought my sweater.......i think i dun have enough sleep....coz during the chinese paper i had a really bad headache lor.....sigh.....must be that stupid air con.......hahaz.....hope you are doing well in ur common tests......and guess what, visions of you popped up in my head today.....and it was damn annoying.......i miss you....and gd luck to those taking common tests....jia you.

7:02 PM

Tuesday, July 01, 2003

ok.....i can conclude now that gp, chem and econs sucks....oh ya.....have a feeling i'm going to add more subjects to the list after tommorrow's ao paper which basically, i see no point and have no time to study for it.....haiz.....i can't believe they gave us 20 chem mcq to finish in like 30 min.........not to mention reading the question....didn't even have time to do it.....sometimes i ask myself why bother mugging for the common tests......after all....it's not a very high percentage.....but as much as i dun want others to know.......my academics mean a lot to me......more than anything i guess.....coz academics are the only thing where you can put in effort and get back something......others are just crap........sigh.....i'm so pessimistic nowadays......nothing makes me smile and happy......especially when you don't even show a little of your concern.....well.....guess i will be having 2 more days left to the end.....i hope i don;t have to wait too long.....sigh.

7:21 PM