Tuesday, August 30, 2005

i have a lecture at like 6pm later...oh mans, that's rather terrible...until 8 pm lor??? haha, and i bet i wun be able to understand what that lecturer will say....haiz....feeling so guilty now, wanted to study but ended up sleeping for around 2 plus hours....haiz, sad case. i got to be more focused and determined when it come to my studies. going to mug hard later when i come back from lecture....no more slacking and online msn.

it's weird how my life now revolves around my hostel now....haha, haven been meeting up with many outside friends le....i miss the 4/1 girls, s13 ppl and of coz my 1st 3 mths frens....haiz, so many people but so little time....nvm, IBG is over le, can have more time to do work and play liaoz.....haha.

beginning to feel the stress of chem eng, everyone's pace is so freaking fast and i have to keep pushing myself to keep up....well, i definitely will be focused more and not let all this get me down.

Swimming IBG was today...oh, super tired now as i took part in 3 events lo....haha, and i'm super duper burnt now, the entire outline of my swimsuit is clearly reflected on my body, and i cant wear any nice tops coz my complexion is really horrendous with a big cross on my back due to my swim suit....haha, but it was really fun though we didn;t got 1st. thanx to all the block c ppl who came down to support, block c rox....haha.

hall life is certainly fun but i have to keep reminding myself to be focused and to do my work....arghhh....i need to go and read up more lately, kk, this wed, thur and fri shall be spent catching up with my work and revision. haiz, i've got to be more discipline and prove to myself that i can balance everything. And I'm really determined to do so since the next few weeks will be pretty slack in hall. haha, comms are opening up so maybe will be joining some comms.....

have alot of blue black marks on my body....damn pain la...i don't know what's wrong with me, don't remember hitting anything leh....haha.....sigh, going to sleep....finally done with my ctw tutorials.

now back at home, pretty comfortable as everything seems so familiar, my bed, my chair, my soft toys, haha, and of coz, my mum is paying super alot of attention to me lor....haiz...feeling guilty as so much time is spent away from home lately.

been feeling a mixture of emotions lately, uni life is certainly very different from jc, come to realised that there's so much stuff i have been taking for granted and how different many things are now. Chem eng is really pretty stressful, with all the fast paced work and effort that you need to keep up. sometimes i question whether i made the right choice but at the end of the day, always tell myself to perservere on no matter what and believe in what i think it is right.

Perhaps it is right that one shouldn't take other people comments seriously. But somehow, it's really difficult not to do so. What people say in a moment of joke can really sometimes be hurting to another. Even though I'm trying hard to not take things so seriously and be more light-hearted, sometimes it is very hard. Have not been feeling this way for a long long time le. And sometimes, I just feel so alone. It seems that my life is not lacking in anything but yet, I am not really happy.

but it was really nice to talk to wei wei just now, makes me feel happier now le. really miss the s13 girls now la...hope to meet up soon kk?

now in my room...had a nice nap juz now, my god, i slept for 2 hrs lor and when i woke up, it was long past lunch time liaoz. woke up and started doing my tutorials, heng still can handle most of the maths problems lo....haiz, tutorials are officially starting tmr....sigh, 8 o clock lessons once again.

got a phone in my room, haha, can feel free to call me though.....some stuff happened over the wkend, but glad that everything is ok now le.....realise that i have not been putting alot of effort for certain stuff.....so shall work on that la. was pretty touched by the words that a friend said, haha, life nowadays is quite monotonous....sigh...but school life is not too bad though, seeing my og ppl here and there, really glad to know the bunch of them.

shall end off here and go do more work. i'm really a mugger.

today was quite a fun day, went to starbucks with tony to see his working environment...haha, and i was drinking cups after cups of coffee, think i'm going to become lactose intolerant le la. and we went shopping for something impt, which i shall not post here in case anyone reads this......realised that there are alot of people who are as busy as me but yet focused. maybe everyone in chem eng all liddat de ba....haha....we all so pia de la.

tmr shall be tutorial day, so many things to finish but yet so little time. really tried my best to focused on everything but yet, sometimes i don't feel the importance of certain things. perhaps i just feel neutral about anything but somehow, lost the drive to go after stuff that matters to me. how am i supposed to care about something when i tried but yet, realise that the person might not think it is worth it.

i need to find back my old self, or maybe, it's right to stop for a while to rethink what do i want. but what's most sad is that even though i may say something, i dunno if i really mean it.

now camping in front of my com to wait to bid for my tutorials, damn scary la, i dun want to be stuck wif a 5-6 lesson on an early day, that will be so so sad lor....haha, sigh. feeling rather energized today so shall go pia my differentiation tutorials and stuff. oh, decided to install a phone in my room to prevent my hp bill frm escalating, haha, in 6 more days it will come.

sometimes i think that life will be so busy at every stage and we must choose to give up something in order to give ourself enough time. but it depends on what is most important to you i guess. perhaps he is right, quality time beats quantity time together. sounds logical but hard to do it.

shall go back to bidding.

now back in my room at hostel slacking while waiting for my next lecture...haha, sigh, had 3 lectures today, 2 hrs each....haha, damn tiring as i;m trying to adjust back to my studying mode....and living alone in a single room makes me more independent, muz wash my clothes, clean my room, wake myself up, haha, but heng i have great people in my block and nice seniors.

but seriously, it really takes alot of discipline to really study while staying in hall, haha, but i promised myself that i will never let hall activities affect my studies, and that's why i'm going lecture tonight instead of the formal dinner, haiz, nvm, will be going out for dinner with gwen and the 2 guys as we have the same lectures.

this weekend will be probably quite sian as busy with alot of stuff, thinking of whether to go out this friday as i really need a break from hostel but there's the netball tournament. starting to miss having all the free time and really feel like spending one day simply slacking in cartel or secret receipe over coffee and yummy cake.

oh ya, my friend burnt this cd for me who is really nice and has this kelly clarkson song called because of you, got time muz go listen ppl....

now back at home, i'm so tired and sick now...my throat is really damn hoarse now liaoz....haiz....den had fever just now. must be due to the 7 am training for touch rugby today and the 3 hrs swimming practice....oh mans, and i'm like totally burnt now, forgot to apply alot of sunblock and there's a very visible tan line now, shit, its damn ugly lor. but i really had fun swimming with wendy, mei mei and raine today, it was damn funny wor.

met up with the 4./1 ppl yest, felt so long since i've last seen them...thanx for the bag and to wenjie: thanx 4 your wallet and i'll call u when i'm feeling much better...haha, i'm using the wallet now also le. had loads of fun just crapping around and yest night went back to hostel to print lecture notes till like 2 am in the morning? haha, shall read up on my electives tomorrow and pia my maths tutorials.

happy national day, but the weather doesn't seem nice, praying that it faster rains now so there wun be rain at the parade. haha, finally a day sitting at home...it's one comfort that i've come to enjoy. yesterday lecture was crap, haha, didn't understand that the lecturer was trying to say but i guess i have to get used to sitting through lectures again after like 7 mths? anyway, went yishun to do a little shopping and i ended up buying loads of files to put all my notes....haha, oh ya, i bought this dish that's supposed to be for dog food and it was really cute. the sales lady kept asking me to buy dogfood and she didn't give me a chance to say that i don't have a dog.

wanted to go cut my hair with esther de but forgot to bring the 40% discount thing, haha, heng she was not really pissed and decided to go shopping with her after that. retail therapy really helps to change my mood and ended up buying 2 tops....oh my, but nvm la, don't always go shop and spend money can liao.

i heard the fireworks at marina were really nice, sad though i didn't get a chance to see it. and too bad couldn't see daniel performing with his band. haha, he's this guy in my hall in chem eng also and was performing with his band yest...haha, i didn't know he was so into rock de lor, he doesn't look like a heavy metal person though.

damn tired now, i have only 1 hr lecture tmr and then i can slack the whole day, caNT believe i'm in chem eng la...haha, tutorials only start like 2 weeks later...anyway, back to update what happened the past few days. fri night was a really yummy dinner at jack's place, oh, i love the crayfish and the potato there...haha, so it was quite a nice place to celebrate my bday. The girls came to visit me at hostel to pass me my bday present as well...so happy wor.....shall upload some pix here when i have the time also la. but i love the princess dustbin they gave plus the whiteboard which is hanging near my door now...haha, liven up my room.

oh ya, and my notice board and walls are also decorated now so it looks pretty nice now...haha, muz be conducive place to study wor.....shall go catch some slp nw le.....

happy 19th bday to myself....haha, thanx to all that wished me today, really glad you ppl rmbed. oh ya, received my 1st present of the day from my og mates...haha, nice top and a skirt chosen by wally, really surprised when they gave me the gift during orientation, haha, i still love my og alot and they are the nicest ppl la, glad we keep in contact and slack together. oh ya, victor gave me a really cute cow hp holder that i haf always wanted....and it moos. it's now at my bedside and really damn cute. well, my mass dance partner has taste though, he's really quite a thoughtful person.

bdAY are very special to me, nxt yr i will be 20 le...oh mans, disastrous. haha. anyway, juz pon today orientation and slacking in hall now, og ppl may be coming by to visit....haha....hope tonight will be fun with dinner.

sometimes i don't mean to sound not serious but the impression i give may be different. it's not what you see that matters but what i really feel....haha.

Finally haf time to update on what happened on flag day. we all woke up at 4 am to start the flag day, think it has been years since i have woke up so freaking early....haiz, den was sleepwalking as we boarded the bus. Well, flag day was ok la, as in, tiring as we were at raffles place but since my senior was lawrence, we were all generally quite slack. And guess what, i asked this guy to donate and he was like asking me what jc i was frm and guess what, he was lynette's dad..,..haha, me and hilda all thought that it was super qiao lor....oh mans.

anyway, watched charlie and choc factory today. hmm, not too bad but it wasnt that fantastic but ya, entertaining though. haha, spent the whole of tday morning at home slacking around and eating a yummy breakfast this morning, and the weather was super shuang, wanted to juz laze in bed the whole day also lor...haha.

now sitting in my hostel room slacking away...today was a pretty fun day, had this freshman inorgeration (dunno how to spell) den went to ikea with my hall people, haha, i bought another carpet, a stool and a lamp, like the lamp alot as it is just at my bedside so it makes things more convenient. just came back after helping out with the rag day preperations, tmr is flag day liao, have to wake up at like 4 am? haha, den whole day go ask for donations....tired sia, i'll be at raffles place so people, if u guys happen to pass by, muz donate ya?

not enough sleep the whole day, better go get an early rest and i'll be slacking for this week as well as my lessons haven start yet. will be updating tmr on flag day:)