Tuesday, October 30, 2007

okie, mto results finally are out. it;s a disaster. i knew i won't do well but as I'm flipping through my script now, i feel so pissed off at the amount of careless mistakes that i have made. sigh, at least not everyone did very well so that's some consolation.

finals going to start in less than a month's time, and we have 2 projects due with one being a major one. even if i do not sleep for now till then, i think i won't be able to finish studying everything:(

i keep telling myself, hard work does not necessary equate to results. Just to make myself feel better, I drank 2 whole cups of bubble tea today on the way home. studying in chem eng has really changed me. i think i better find back the drive to work harder for the rest of this sem.

having a company interview this coming wed. they are calling in from the states. I hope it will go smoothly as I'm tired of having things messed up during this period of time. If all goes well, I will be going to california is approximately 2 months time. something which i put so much effort into but yet i have so many things to leave behind. Perhaps I really need some change in my life.

i'm just so depressed lately.....so tired and down. Been pretty sick lately, the after effects of hanging around e2 computer room for those nites doing hysys, and low in morale and motivation these days.

going to get back mto on mon, one more reason to prove that i'm so screwed.

company interviews! when will my turn come. i';m so sick of people telling me not to be worried and so on. the truth is, i do need to worry. something which i've worked hard for might not even happen in the next 1 yr. i'm so sick worrying, that i tink i'm making myself more sick. which does not really make sense. i know it is no one's fault. if anyone has to blame, it has to be me. i simply dun understand, why is it i'm not good enough:(

just back home from a yummy dinner, first time in my life that i ate a plate of fried rice that costed $45 bucks.....though it was shared between 5 of us. hee, my parents brought my whole family to rama thai restaurant, and we had yummy crabs, crayfish, sharkfin, and scallops. but it was reaaally yummy, and expensive too. oh wells, a special dinner for a special day!

feeling stressed up these days with so many projects these days. just submitted a 10 page term paper that we were fretting about the entire week, with lack of slp for 5 days as we last min changed our topic:( i tink the stressful days are about to be back:( to tink i was hoping for a slack semester.

noc stuff still pending, company interviews going to commence soon, really hope i'll be able to find a good company:)

i just heard about the most warped theory today.
someone said to me
"i'M different from you, all my life i've been in the best schools and so, i cannot suffer any setbacks, you won;t understand how i feel"

ok, so does that mean that people from neighbourhood school are meant to suffer setbacks and difficulties? And since when am i fated to go through more difficulties than others who have been in good schools and have done well their whole lives. this, being said by a close friend of mine, really shocked me. why do the people i meet tend to think this way? sure, it may be right that life is not fair. It certainly isn't. but for certain things in life, we just got to take it in our stride. If you are not meant to be a doctor, you can't force you will and keep insisting that you want to be (unless perhaps you are freaking rich). It doesn't mean that a person who is stuck in the range of 2nd lower honors have lesser right to be upset about their current test grade compared to one who is like 0.03 away from 2nd upper right? I mean, its all about the effort you put in, not about how far your desired results you wish to attain.

Perhaps these people are meant to suffer such setbacks to remind them that even though everything has been well all their lives, it may not be always the case. That's the way life works. Rich people get richer and those with connections get climb the corporate ladder higher than perhaps those who slog their lives away in a 12 hr job.

I'm just glad that I'm going to be leaving in 3 months time. It's so suffocating to feel the guilt someone places on you when you are not in the wrong at all. perhaps that person is right, I should just focus on my OWN issues.

3122 was a miserable flop. yucks. i think i'll have to throw away my test paper when i get it back. oh gosh, at this rate, no employer at silicon valley would want to hire me.......:(. busy busy week ahead with 2 more test and 2 more term paper and 1 design project to handle. sigh, i'm beginning to feel the dreaded xiongness of the sem coming up just after the mid term break.

happy21st birthday to esther and jiawen:)